I’m getting very close to my 30s and yet I’ve realized recently that Facebook can take a normally mature relationship and turn it into something that I last experienced when I was fourteen years old. Remember what that was like when you were an adolescent trying to figure out what it meant to date? Would we make out after the football game? Did this mean a guaranteed date to the dance? Would there be long phone conversations involved? What if he expects me to eat lunch with him and all his friends? While I am certainly glad to be past these awkward questions that surrounded my first trials with romance, it seems that Social Media has, in many ways, taken us back to this pre-adolescent period of uncertainty, complete with unnecessary awkwardness.
The big question – when do you change your Facebook status—seems to loom over many adult relationships today. In our real lives and relationships this hardly matters, yet everyone jokes about being “Facebook official.” We all know that it really doesn’t mean anything for the grand scheme of our relationship but there it is, that question of when, in this world of self-publicizing our every action, we declare to our online social network that we are (drum roll please) dating someone.
To further complicate this relatively silly question is the fact that everyone comes at this from different angles. I have friends who feel that it is incredibly important to post that they are “In a Relationship” because they are proud to share with their online friends who they are dating in their non-online life. Others feel just as strongly that it is nobody’s business but their own. To compound all of this, many members of your social network will gush, gasp, and perhaps fall to the floor when you do change your status. How can this much thought, drama, and anxiety come from Facebook?
To be honest, until recently I hadn’t given it much thought, other than in passing reference when a girlfriend and I jokingly said we wanted to be in an “It’s Complicated” relationship together to confuse our friends and family. But then I found myself having “the Facebook talk” and it made me realize that for better or worse, Social Media is affecting our lives in ways we never expected. It’s adding new complexities to our real life relationships on a daily basis.
So, what do you think? How much of your personal relationships do you share online?
I think the best way to deal with it is to send a someecard, laugh about it, and call it a day! Oh yeah, and remember that Facebook will not actually make an impact on your feelings toward one another. Here are some of my favorites:
http://www.someecards.com/sympathy-cards/sorry-your-decision-to-quietly-change
http://www.someecards.com/valentines-day-cards/im-ready-to-change-my-facebook-relationship
Ah, the joys and complications of single life. I almost don't remember. Brian and I are coming up on five years (hard to believe). To put a married persons spin on this topic, I have seen several occasions when a spouse joins Facebook long after the person they are married to has been a member. Then when Facebook officially declares that they are married (even if it's been 1, 5, or even 40 years) people just have to comment on it. As if it's breaking news all over again. Or perhaps they are as perplexed as most as to why Facebook finds this information the most important to add to all your friend's news feeds. Something to think about.
ReplyDeleteThe nerve wracking thing with changing your status indeed isn't a new awkwardness as much as it is a very old and familiar one: everybody is going to know your business and have a forum to say whatever they want about it. In adult life, we usually have the ability to carry ourselves with as much privacy as we want, and our relationships can develop without much input or ribbing from family, friends, and classmates. To change that status though, is akin to the first time you held hands in the schoolyard or had to eat lunch with his friends and overhear everything anyone has to say. As adults it's not something we've had to deal with for a long time, especially not with our relationships.
ReplyDeleteAs much as those old awkwardnesses were usually much ado about nothing, it is the same with changing the status today. The nice thing about being an adult is that most of your friends are too. Some of his friends might say the same dumb things that they would have at lunch so many years ago, but most people will be excited and will clutter your page with well-wishes.
I for one, am new to a relationship that I'm excited about and proud to be in, and can't think of anything more relevant to post to a website dedicated to broadcasting my every movement and interest.
And yes, there will be long phone conversations; we just get to have them on super cool phones without our parents listening in. And there will be make-outs after football games; we just get to watch them on giant flat TVs or in awesome stadiums. It's not so different than it was, it's just better.
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ReplyDeleteIt's funny because I see my friends change their 'relationship status,' followed by friends asking what is going on in their relationship. And I always think 'Boy, I'm so glad I wasn't dating when social sites like Facebook were around.' It just seems like an added stressor to the dating world. Ugh.
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